Negative 14 degrees outside with a wind chill of negative 36.


Gotta love Minnesota!!!



Seriously.  Holy gosh is that cold.

I never have anything to say on my Livejournal anymore.  And when I look back on all of my entries from years back, I would update like 2 times a day.

I must have thought my life was interesting or something.

Ha.

After seeing the chaos and the smoke, dust and fire from the bridge that connects Washington Ave to the UofM that we had to detour to, I was pretty shaken up.  My phone started ringing minutes after.  Friends and family were calling to see if I was safe.  They knew I took that bridge around that time.  I sat on the bus in shock.  In tears.  Not believing what I was hearing or seeing.  

I didn't really snap out of it until last night.


After the initial shock set in from being downtown on my way to the bridge to cross it minutes after it collapsed, I decided I needed/wanted to go back downtown last night to just be there and think about and pray for the victims and the families.


Steve and I took the city bus downtown and stood on top of the hill at the gold medal park that over looks the river. You could see the bridge and the boats with all of the sirens.

There were a lot of spectators like myself. Some taking pictures, some praying, some crying.  But in my mind we were all there to do the same thing.  To hope and to grieve together.  As a community.

Steve and I tried to find the memorial service that was being held at New Salem Baptist but we didn't find it. We did however rollerblade from downtown to uptown and back.

We got back downtown and went back to the park where we found a circle of people praying. So we joined in on the prayers and had our own memorial service in remembrance of the families and victims of the tragedy.

I feel a little better. Now that I have been downtown and joined with the rest of Minneapolis to grieve and hope together.

Continue to pray for those lost and missing.

It will be difficult to cope with his for a long time for a lot of people. Myself being one of them.

Minneapolis is where I work.  Where I play.  And I took that bridge every single day.

:(

God is giving me understanding concerning some things recently.  I feel like He's been silent for a while now.  Either that or I haven't been listening very well.

Either way, I'm hearing now.  I'm understanding again.

And it's wonderful.

I talked to my mom on the phone till almost 1 am last night.  We had a long talk and at the end of the conversation a light came on in both of our minds.  And it was at the same time.  The same moment.

We all know the passage of scripture in 1st Corinthians,

1 Corinth 13:13  And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.

I look at this scripture and I see my life.  But I see that I've only made it as far as faith.

The passed few years have proven to me that I have faith.  My faith will not falter.  Regardless of my circumstances and tribulations.  I have not turned my back on God.  I haven't given myself away to atheism. 

I still have faith. 

But it stops there.  Because I lack the next step.  The next step that is crucial to get to "charity" or "perfect love"

I lack hope.

I truly believe and understand now what God is trying to do through me and in me.  FINALLY. 

I have cried countless tears in despair, and cried out to God feeling utterly hopeless.  I've said it a million times.  "God, I just feel so hopeless...."  I've called out with that word to Him so many times. 

Last night He led me to this passage of scripture.  A passage of scripture I've memorized in my past, because it's a common passge of scripture.  But last night it made sense to me.

Romans 5

1Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:

 2By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

 3And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience;

 4And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

 5And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.

Notice the exact same pattern that Paul used in the letter to the church in Corinth, he used to write to the Romans.

He begins with faith.  Then he speaks of hope.  And it ends with love.

This passage of scripture has done something inside of me.  It has released something inside of me.  Essentially, it has given me hope.

I've often wondered why my family and I have undergone so much this past 15 months.  Actually, our whole lives.  Why we've had to survive so much pain and disappointment.  Both in the ministry, and in our normal lives. 

And the answer is so simple.  Because God is trying to build inside of His children hope.  So He can finally take us to that place of perfect love.  Charity.

How can we glory in tribulations if there are none?  How can they worketh in us patience if they don't exist?

Patience works in us experience.

And finally, experience works in us hope.

God, as simple as it is....what a profound understanding!

Thank you Lord, for giving me but a glimpse of Your plan for my life.

Thank you Lord for the desperate tribulations and trials.  They are there to build hope in me.

So I can move from hope, to CHARITY.

So my love will not be prideful, or contrived out of self.

But will be YOUR love.

There's more to all of this, I'll be writing a message soon and eventually sharing it.

I just wanted to get this out there.  For anyone who feels desperate.  There's a reason.  He's building hope inside of you.

God Bless.

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